Not So Bad As It "See"ms- hahahah

Alright, just a preface before I jump into this one. I have talked to some of you guys about it but I thought this was the best way to let everyone know in a non alarming way. Just read and you'll get it...

So, lately Chris has been astonished with how little I can see. We will be in Walmart and the HUGE overhead signs are blurry, or I am driving and I can't read roadsigns, or we are at football games and I squint at the jumbotron. His favorite is at night when I have to turn out the lights and I slowly creep across the room like a mummy with my arms stretched out because I cannot see a dang thing in the dark. Anyway, these episodes finally made me think I need stronger glasses. I have these reading glasses that worked well when I got them - for reading. Now I wear them all the time and they just aren't cutting it. So, last weekend I went to the eye dr and was super excited about getting new glasses. I looked at all these frames and picked out a few favorites. Chris waited patiently as I went into the exam room. The doctor, who was a little bit of a freak and though he wasn't as creepy, did remind me of the joker from batman. He just had that nasally voice and said, "mmm yea" a lot. Anyway, he didn't even dilate my eyes like I was expecting him to, instead he starts asking me if I have ever considered laser surgery. I was kinda confused because generally people don't go from reading glasses to lasik in one year! Well, as he keeps talking I realize that he is referring to my "leakage" and it all started making sense.

It seems that after 21 years of diabetes, high blood sugar spells, and insulin, I have Diabetic Retinopathy. This means that due to lack of oxygen, the little blood vessels in the retina, or back part of my eye, start to grow into the clear fluid in the center of the eye. The danger is that pressure builds up and so now my retinas are leaking fluid into my eye causing the blurred vision. This, when left untreated, is what causes Diabetics to go blind.

This picture shows kindof what is happening. The back part of your eye lacks oxygen and so thos vessels grow into the middle part and cover your central channel of vision.

So this is kinda what I am seeing...(mine is not nearly this blurred and there aren't dark spots, but this is what will happen if I don't get surgery.)

So bad news-

• I am finally seeing the side effects of my poor treatment and could end up without my vision.
• The damage that has been done is not reversible.
• While I do need glasses for my regular vision, I can't get them until this is cleared up.
• No eye care or surgery that I have seen is ever cheap.

Good news-

• There are forms of treatment. As of ten years ago, there was nothing that could be done-I am pretty lucky!
• I have good health insurance, so while it is pricey up front, I will hit my deductable reallllllly early this year!
• The treatment is 90% successful at sealing the leaks and will stop the progression of the disease, assuming I stop the high blood sugars.
• I have been motivated to change my habits moreso than ever before! I have been testing 6 times a day! My fingertips are bruised and I love it!
• As long as I get treatment, I will have no worries about blindness.

Some random facts to put it in perspective:

• This is common in 80% of patients with Diabetes after 10 years. (I am at 21)
• After 20 years of Type 1, nearly all patients have some level of it.

The surgery is a laser treatment. They go into your eye and seal the leaking vessels. Pretty no big deal as far as risk and invasiveness etc. I am awake and it is my eye, but other than that I feel pretty good.

So back to our story. This all clicks in the office and in my head I just started freaking out and was telling myself things like, "ok just breathe, don't cry in front of this crazy joker man". The exam ended and I went out into the lobby where Chris was. I tried to act normal and not talk to him about it until we were in the car. He knew something was up because I was overly smiley and so fake hahaha. Well the doctor is talking so loud and is like "so I will refer you to this guy because he is a great surgeon" and bla bla bla....Chris turns to me and is like "What's going on?!"

We head home and I am trying to play it off like this isn't a big deal because I didn't want to freak him out. So I of course, with my sick sense of humor start closing my eyes and feeling my way to the car and stuff. Needless to say he didn't think I was funny! He also didn't think it was funny when I said I couldn't do the dishes because I couldn't see them. What can you do?

Anyway, so by now I have had my little breakdown and freaked myself out and everything, and have gotten over it. I feel really good about the surgery and I feel good about a lot of other things. Little things, like how lucky I am to have insurance, how lucky I am to have friends that will listen and talk about it and not freak out, how lucky I am that I got a quick appointment, how lucky I am that I got this as a warning instead of just losing my vision all together. Lucky that Chris is supportive and encouraging and can give me a blessing. I am just LUCKY!

I didn't want to post this as a pity party, or to alarm anyone, just to keep you all in the loop and let you know what's up and that we're really just doing great. I think that when these things aren't talked about, everyone assumes it's a crisis and fills in the unknown with their own worst case imaginations. I don't know if this is intriguing to anyone, or if it is that big of a deal, but feel free to ask questions or whatever.

I have been doing a lot of thinking though and I decided that if I ever do go blind, I am going to...

wear these glasses

Use this as my seeing eye cane. It's even "Fashionable!"

And this little guy will be my seeing eye dog!

I guess it's true, there's a silver lining in everything!

Ü (that is a smiling face in case you just thought I was speaking German!)